1 Year and Counting!

A year ago today I had my back surgery. It's hard to believe it has been a year......it really doesn't feel like that much time has passed. This surgery was the first time that I had ever been in the hospital and my whole experience was quite pleasant. I had complete confidence in my surgeon and his team and all of the hospital staff was friendly and knowledgeable. I was lucky enough to have my own room and it even had a nice view out the window of the Salt Lake valley. I was only supposed to be in the hospital for one night but the surgeon decided since I had 2 small kids at home I better stay an extra night and get all the rest I could. My mom was very sweet and stayed with the kids a lot so that Andy could be with me. He even stayed with me the first night and slept on a broken recliner. Neither of us got much sleep that first night! I never experienced much pain after the surgery but I was terribly uncomfortable. It took 2 male nurses to flip me on my side and prop me up so I could be off of my back for a while. They were pretty strong too....it didn't make me feel very good about myself!! The physical therapist came by only hours after I was out of surgery to get me out of bed and trying to walk. It was very difficult to change everything about the way I moved. I had to roll out of bed a certain way, I couldn't twist my back and I certainly couldn't bend. I was given a back brace (more like a corset) that was very helpful and made standing much more comfortable. I was also given something to help me put socks on since I couldn't bend (never used) and a gripper, reacher, picker-upper stick that I used ALL the time......and still do some days when I'm sore.

After 2 nights in the hospital I came home and Andy was able to stay home from work for a week and a half and take care of me and the kids. He did a wonderful job of juggling everything and took such amazing care of me. Honestly, those 2 weeks rocked!!! I loved being in bed, watching TV, reading magazines and taking naps. I got to see and kiss the kids a few times a day without having to take care of them. I got every little whim of mine taken care of by Andy and the sleep was grand!! The only drawback to sleeping all day was that I wasn't sleeping too well at night but I was happy to have my Ipod to keep my company.

This year has been rough. According to the literature given to me by the doctor I was supposed to "take 3 months off of work". HA! Yeah, that doesn't really work with a 2 and 3 year-old. I was lucky to get my 2 weeks and so recovery has been slower than I would have liked. Normal I think, but slow when you have 2 kids and a house to take care of. Andy has been great and has always helped with whatever I needed and has understood all the days when I have needed to lay on the couch for a while. Thank goodness! The worst part has been the chronic pain related depression. That wasn't something I had expected to happen but it hit, and it hit hard! I've never dealt with depression before. Or chronic pain. I had seen pharmaceutical commercials about the relationship but never thought it was true. I never understood how you could be depressed! I thought you could just snap out of it! I thought you could just decide to be happy! It really is not that simple. The worse my pain was, the worse the depression was. The worse the depression was, the worse the pain was. It was a vicious cycle! I finally got to my breaking point after Andy had been on a few business trips in a row and I was fed up with the kids, the house, Andy, depression, pain, all of it! I went to the doctor and he prescribed Zoloft for me which has been HEAVEN SENT!! Not only has my mood and outlook on life gotten better, my pain has been so much more manageable. I have been on the medicine since July and I plan on staying on it for at least another 6 or 7 months. Maybe longer if I need it! I know depression can be one of those taboo topics but it can happen to anyone for any reason and there is nothing to be ashamed of. I believe it is a real chemical imbalance in your body and if you need to take a little pill everyday to enjoy life and your children, it is worth it! I have far more patience with my kids and that is all the excuse I need! I just wish that the doctor would have warned me of the possibility of getting depression following the surgery. I think maybe it could have saved me a few months of hating life. Oh well, it's taken care of now!

Overall I am glad that I did the surgery. I am no longer afraid of falling and causing more damage to my spine. Although I still think I'll avoid my sister's house in the winter!
And.....in case you didn't see this in my previous post, here is my titanium back.